Perspective...

I must say, that my good friend, Donut and I had a conversation this past weekend that put my ass back into place...I called on Saturday just to check on him because he's been very sick. He let me know he found out that a friend of his had taken his own life...

Now, suicide to me is very serious. Some people think it's something that other people's friends do. Not me. My friend committed it. It is the most heartbreaking, miserable thing. You go thru all these levels of emotions. You feel a sadness for the family. You feel sadness for youself. Of course, you feel selfish. You feel angry. Worst of all: you feel guilt.

Anger. This is the one you try not to feel, but can't get around it. The thought of someone else deciding they are going to take them away from this place. Not give you the opportunity to help. To cause such heartache. How could they ever do that to you? HOW???? Why would they ever do this to you, and the ones they "loved"??? WHY????

Guilt. Should we actually feel guilty and take on the responsibility? Of course. If you feel at all, you will. If you have any love in your heart, you will. If you have any compassion in your soul, you will.

My friend, Bradley O. Cratch committed suicide some years ago. He would be turning 32 this upcoming November 19th. This young man was brilliant. Handsome. Most admiring quality (by me), he was my first male, best friend. He let me see what it was like to have a best friend who was a "boy". He was my highschool best guy friend. I did loose my virginity to him, too. I couldn't think of anyone better to have done that with either. I never knew he had any problems. I knew he was in a marriage that was an emotional rollercoaster. I knew that his life had not taken the track he would have liked to have taken,nor the track everyone else thought it would take.

We are talking about someone who was an exceptional athlete in high school. A very good student. His family absolutely adored him. He had girls just beating his door down. He was well liked as a friend to many, as well. He was part of "us". Our small little graduating class.

After high school, he was accepted to a respectible college. He wanted more. He got in some hot water, quit school, at some point met this girl. Had a "good enough" job.

He and I kept in touch for a bit that first year of school, but after that, we lost track, esp. when he met the love of his life (so to speak). A bit later, he moved in two doors down from me. After we had one conversation, and I saw the reaction of his wife, I knew it was probably easier for us to just wave across the yard when we saw each other. I never once had another conversation with Brad.

I knew that he had a tough time with his marriage. I heard it. Screaming, yelling, and catching wheels in and out of the neighborhood. One day, the fights stopped.

My friend was gone.

Please, if you have any opportunities to be kind to one another, take them. If you have anything you want to say, say it. If you have anything to do, do it. You might not get another opportunity.