Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas...

I'm not going to go on about Christmas here...No way! I'm just wishing you well this year during the holiday season...I'm not so much in the holiday spirit this year...Every year it seems to get further and further away from my grasp...Not sure why that is...I'm really not even going thru the motions this year...that was last year...LOL!

My thoughts on this warm, rainy, Christmas morning are more about perception and other random thoughts...

Perception is the key, I'm convinced, to everything. From the way we look at art, to the sounds we hear during our days, to the relationships we are apart of.

Shelley and I were discussing this last evening during communion at church...I told her that I feel that in every relationship, esp. those where there are only two involved (I'm talking more along the lines of romantic, intimate relationships here) , one person always cares more. ALWAYS. I have recently learned this. But, here we go back to perception. I feel I cared more. Now,there is a chance, he could say he cared more. It's all in the way we receive love and in the way we are wired to give love. Now as far as just friendships, the same holds true. I have so many friendships, some I know I don't towe the line, others, I know the workload is on me. That's fine, that's expected. I don't know...these were just thoughts that were racing thru my head this morning and I had to get them down here to make me feel better...

I have been thinking alot lately about a change...perhaps a move. Perhaps something as little (really big), as changing my hair color...going back blonde...Hey...that might fit parts of my personality a little better...LOL! It's kind of depressing...For those of you that didn't know, Robb and I are over. Kind of sad. I still love him. I think I came to the conclusion last night, we can't love each other the way we ultimately need to be loved. He's an awesome guy, I'm an awesome chic. Just not what we need for each other. Hopefully we can remain friends. This kind of aggrevates me. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did build him up to something that he wasn't. Not sure about that. There became some trust issues. I won't go into all that. Some of you know the deal, a few will find out later. Justified or not, they were issues. They got in the way. Where do I begin to fix those? I will work on that in a few weeks...Some would call that procrastination, I say, I'm not ready to talk about it.

Back to the change. I went to Pittsburgh a few weeks ago...I loved what I saw of that city. I think it's the fact it's a city. Haha...I'm getting the itch to move again. It's not a nagging itch yet, but, believe me, it will be...I don't belong in a smaller city...at least not alone. I think that when my 3 year mark hits, which will be in July of 2006, if I don't have better things to keep me here, I'm going to actively seek another city to live. Oh, unless I get REALLY lucky, it will take me a minute to find a job and get situated to the point I am going to make a move.

Hmmm...I thought I had put down my list of cities I want to live. Maybe I put down my first list. I am making a new one. San Diego? San Fran? Denver (will ALWAYS be on my list)...New York? Nashville? Mobile? Back to Birmingham? Savannah? Charleston? Phoenix? Too many choices...

So, I'm back dating again...My favs right now? One who is just awesome that we dated BRIEFLY before he had to unexpectedly leave close to a year ago...One who is a serious playboy, I have a feeling, but who knows, maybe he's ok...One wrapped up in a divorce, 3 businesses, and a possible custody battle--limited time...and one who has no idea I am crushing on him...eh...what difference does it make...he lives so far away anyway...

I feel like I am at a serious crossroads right now...Which way to go...which way to go...

In all of my recent turmoil though, I have had the opportunity to really connect with some friends...Through their advice and listening to "their perceptions", I have gotten to know them so much better...Some who I had no idea just how much they care about me. Some hard truths have come out of some of their mouths...Thank you so much...I have been sworn to secrecy with the names...I don't want a terrorist group to come find me...LMAO!!!!

I hope you all continue to have a safe and happy holiday!

Love most of you...