FINALLY!!!

Carla is back...Finally...No more of her being all bottled up...Thanks, Liz for pointing this out to me, but, I already felt it...Just couldn't put my finger on it.

So, as you read in my previous post, Robb and I are over. He's gone. He has gotten his things out of my house, and returnd my things. So...Now it's on...Now I can let the whole damn world know...Or, anyone who reads this, at least...

Don't get me wrong...there were good times...good memories...alot of shattered hopes and dreams...I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on him. I will never forget our first conversation and how that all played out...I will never forget so many things, the good and the bad...

So...Let's start from the beginning...It was a whirlwind type of thing...I fell hard and fast for him...I suppose he did for me too...It went downhill just as fast. Just as fast as my nosiness got in the way, or my woman's intuition, or something whispered in my ear...Yeah, I found something...Something that would put into motion our demise as a couple. Oh, yeah...I found it all...I found things in probably the most dishonest way that I could...But, when I did, I first thought, well, I will make connections between "that" site and porn...men can't do without porn, right? Right. This thing became an addiction...all I was seeing was porn, porn, porn...All over the place...then the personals sites, then the messages, then the conversations...This just about killed me...Of course I had a huge trust issue. Who the heck wouldn't? Nobody that I can think of...I just don't know...I have never felt so constricted though. NEVER in my life!

I couldn't talk about it with him. I knew what would happen...He would have probably tried to do something terrible to me. Besides, it's not like he was going to admit to one thing...No need to keep harping on it...in this case, I was just biding my time, I would be rid of him soon enough...and finally, that time is here...

Here is what hurts most. It's not that Robb and I are over. It's that I am 31 and still single. I don't like that too much. Yes, I am sure I have some issues, heck, maybe I have alot??? Some friends and I, who are all single, talk about this alot. We talk about how we can just be floating on cloud 9 for the longest, then all of a sudden, we hit rock bottom. I have had a couple of bad days since we have broken up, but, trust me, it's not him, it's the fact that at the end of it all, another relationship didn't work out.

Here is what I wanted most. I wanted my life back. I wanted my house back. I wanted it all back exactly way it was before. I wanted the old Carla back. I wanted the Carla that had no shame. Oh, she's back. She's single. She is just going to do whatever the heck it is she wants to do...

Now, for all you yahoos out there, know I'm a Nancy Drew type. I will pick up on your crap, I will figure things out...It may take me a day, a week, a year, but, I WILL find out...Don't hide things. I know I feel like somewhat of a hypocrite here, because, yes, I did hold back from my ex, but, I had good reason. I was protecting things. I don't care in that case...

I just had to get these things off my chest...