Sitting here...

Sitting here, tonight...I started to think, once again...An old friend didn't realize I wasn't with Robb anymore...I started saying things that sounded like I was feeling sorry for myself...He made the comment, "oh, you are still hurting. nobody will be able to take the place of Robb for a while..."

I started to ponder this...Am I over Robb? Will anyone ever take his place? I am just wondering...Well, he was very special to me...despite everything, he still is...(I'm ducking, trying to avoid all the tomatoes some of your are throwing my way right now...)

I started to think...was there any one thing I could have done to avoid such a mishap in our relationship? Most likely not...The only thing that could have possibly happened is this: Had I never looked, would have I have ever known anything was going on? I could possibly be living in Lala Land right now. Then again, did I honestly try hard enough to make the relationship work?

UGHHHHHH! The frustration I am feeling right now. I think Satan has found my weak spot and is working overtime on me...I start to feel sorry for myself...I start to cry...I start to doubt myself and my worth. I am basing who I am on a man...I am basing who I am on ONE failed relationship.

I don't know why I had to write this. It does make me feel just a tad bit better...I'm not crying anymore...I am about ready to pull my hair out though. I just want to be over him. I don't want to replace him. I don't want to forget him or the time we had together, as short as it was...

I'm confused...I wish I could go back. I wish I could have done something different...

I thought I knew how to get over him...I think I was wrong. Every guy I go out with just reminds me of how comfy I was with Robb...How there used to be someone I knew. Now, don't get me wrong. There are times, where a guy will do something that Robb would not have ever done, but, that is the thing. I guess nobody is perfect...

There is not one day that goes by that I don't cry...I HATE CRYING! This is that time on this day...