Different kind of peace...

I have been thinking the past few days...Something someone said a while back that kinda hurt me...nothing about me, just about someone that used to be a friend. Made some comments about their childhood. I am here to say...Nobody's is perfect. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose a perfect path in life...not with our friends, our circumstances, family, jobs, etc.

Mine wasn't perfect. Yeah, surprise, surprise. I so did not have the perfect childhood. Yes, I had some advantages. Yet, I was left at some disadvantages, as well.

First off, I was an only child. There has always been a void present. There is a closeness I just haven't filled. I do have two half sisters, they are great, but, we aren't that close. I try, just so many differences, we just always end up annoyed with each other. For whatever reason, there is always a level of jealousy present. I do have three wonderful, wonderful girlfriends, who, I am convinced are the best sisters I could have been given. I think the fact I am an only child, I am drawn nearer to people quicker than alot of other people. If someone is cool to me, I don't just like them...I LOVE them! I get attached easily. I talk quickly (in every area of my life--haha)...I think this is all a result of me being an only child. Can't be sure...

Then comes me as an adult daughter. I have been raised to be independant. So, I have turned into this independant woman. I have turned into someone that doesn't take anything from anyone, most of the time. I took this view to my family this time. I walked out of my parents house this past weekend, the last words Mother said was..."if you leave, you will never be welcome here again..." I don't know what to make of it. I haven't heard from her since. I turned away, and shut the door. That seriously broke my heart. She did say some things, and in my mind, crossed some lines. Made some irrational comments. Threatened suicide. I am done with those types of words. If she wants to say them, she must find someone else to say them to. One of my very best friends committed suicide. Now, Mother threatened this several times while I was growing up, I didn't do anything. Suicide, to me, was something that just did not happen. Not in my world. It's the sin that cannot be forgiven. That hurts. Growing up, I did nothing. She did nothing. As I was driving back, I made the decision, if she EVER threatens that to me again, she WILL be talking to a professional shortly after.

It broke my heart that I turned and walked away. I can't believe where circumstance has thrown me...What if I turn my head forever? I just don't know if or when I will be able to face her again. There is a voice in me giving me peace though. Like, I am comletely at peace almost a week after all this happened. I know it seems I am having issues, no, not really...Just had to get this out there...I feel like I have made the correct decision..

I am really learning lately, it's mostly about protecting our hearts, at all costs, as much as we can...

Sadness is playing on my heart over other issues...I don't feel like writing about those though...