Confused as all...

I'm so confused right now...

I have been doing something completely not normal for the Carla you all have grown to know and love (some of you...)

I have met a boy. I'll keep his name to myself. I haven't really talked about him a great deal...As a matter of fact, I don't believe I have mentioned him at all...I have tried to work this one out on my own. I haven't stopped dating completely...But, I do like him more than the others, actually. He's just precious. He's something I appreciate. He's someone I see and admire. He makes me want to be a nicer, sweeter person. He has turned into one of my best friends...

Now, tonight, I was just thinking about him...Just realizing how much I care about him. I had plans to run a few errands, then go to the gym, then make it home at some point tonight. I attempted to run the errands. Halfway thru, I decided I had something on my mind. I had to write. About him. So, I rushed home, sat down, and began pouring my heart and my soul into my journal where I keep my poetry. Yes, for those of you who didn't know it, I do write somewhere else. Come on, don't be a jerk and think that all I do is devote myself to the Hampton and to this blog page. LOL! So, I begin pouring my heart out. I ended up writing one of my favorite poems I have ever written. WOW!

So, needless to say, this morning, moving thru the day, did I ever think I would end up arguing with this guy by the end of the day...Do we ever anticipate pain though? Nooooo...I would venture to say not. We were talking, and some very innocent things were said, things were perceived wrong, feelings were hurt. Words and feelings, and thoughts were just lost...Before I knew it, I was in tears. The thought of losing this person, after not finding him long ago just ripped me into pieces.

Now, it's just a waiting game. I have to see what comes of all of this now. I think I have shot myself in the foot, once again-DAMNIT!

I guess some of this is that I'm seriously hating being alone. I am sick and tired of it. I have my good friends, my family-together, they make one hell of a foundation and I appreciate all of them like nothing else...I just feel sometimes, it's not enough. Will I ever find what it is I'm looking for? Don't even say it, you jerks! I look, I don't find. I don't look, I still don't find. So, what's a chic to do???

Love some of you...