Chris M.

Wow.

That is the one word that describes how I feel right now most.

I guess I just should dive in...I haven't written in quite some time, as I am reminded by quite a few of you...It's just so sad the circumstances in which I have been compelled to log onto this site and write...

My friend has recently been killed. So many things fly thru my head all the time. It's kind of hard to find the time to sit and cry, honestly. I am consumed by so many moments. So many memories. His voice is one I'm surely never to forget. A life ended far too soon, in the eyes of most. To One, I guess he lived the life he was supposed to, however.

It just blows my mind. I thought about him just this week to the point, I said to myself, I need to e-mail him and check to see how he's doing. I am ashamed I haven't kept in touch with him the way I should have. The way a friend should. No, I'm not beating myself up over it or anything, don't worry. We both fell short on this part...I guess it could have been in the plan for me to suddenly be gone, just as well as him...Then, I'm sure he would be the one saying to someone, man, we were close at such and such time, I should have kept in contact more...Just pointing out, this, if for no other reason is like a sign with big, flashing lights that reads, "You only have so much time here--Make the most of it".

I feel fortunate enough to have been blessed to have been a part of his life and he a part of mine. It was just for a season, not so long ago, though...He helped me thru a tough time in my life, and yes, I did have a brief crush on him. I realized quickly, he wasn't for me. He was a better fit as a friend...

He was one that was the first to call a spade a spade. There was no gray area he would concern himself with. Black or white is all he saw. Such a good man. I can honestly say, I think he did the best he could with the life he was given, which, was filled with the love of those he surrounded himself with. Now that I think about it, he did live everyday like it was the last. Almost like he realized tomorrow really ISN'T guaranteed.

He was so firey! He was filled with so much life. He had charisma. He was smarter than most. He could quote scripture like nobody I have ever met in person. He could reference almost anything in the Bible. My living room on several occasions turned into some sort of faith based counseling office. He would sit on one couch and I would lay on the other and he would quote scripture and turn to a many of stories, parables, and other scriptures that just fit the moment. God truly broke the mold after him...

I feel I have lost a wonderful friend of the heart, and for those of you who never had the pleasure of knowing him, or loving him, you really missed out. He made no excuses.

The peace I honestly have is this: He was one that loved and believed in God. I wonder what his last words were. I wonder what the last conversation he had. I wonder if he woke up that morning feeling a little differently about things, not really understanding what it was he was feeling. I wonder who the last person he thought about might have been. I know he wasn't alone. I know God was waiting to accept him into the home I know he was willing to go to whenever it was time...

Bless you, Chris...You will be remembered always. I never thought to say thank you for everything he said to me...I hope he can somehow know what I am thinking or feeling right now, and that he gets it...I'm trying my best to keep my head up and keep his attitude about all of this...Life goes on, remember he's where he needs to be, where he wants to be, where he lived his life knowing that's where he would end up anyway...He wouldn't want anyone to skip a beat over this. He was that kind of guy...The kind that wouldn't want you pouting things away...

I'll always remember his advice, attitude, and love he showed me constantly...