Confused as all...

I'm so confused right now...

I have been doing something completely not normal for the Carla you all have grown to know and love (some of you...)

I have met a boy. I'll keep his name to myself. I haven't really talked about him a great deal...As a matter of fact, I don't believe I have mentioned him at all...I have tried to work this one out on my own. I haven't stopped dating completely...But, I do like him more than the others, actually. He's just precious. He's something I appreciate. He's someone I see and admire. He makes me want to be a nicer, sweeter person. He has turned into one of my best friends...

Now, tonight, I was just thinking about him...Just realizing how much I care about him. I had plans to run a few errands, then go to the gym, then make it home at some point tonight. I attempted to run the errands. Halfway thru, I decided I had something on my mind. I had to write. About him. So, I rushed home, sat down, and began pouring my heart and my soul into my journal where I keep my poetry. Yes, for those of you who didn't know it, I do write somewhere else. Come on, don't be a jerk and think that all I do is devote myself to the Hampton and to this blog page. LOL! So, I begin pouring my heart out. I ended up writing one of my favorite poems I have ever written. WOW!

So, needless to say, this morning, moving thru the day, did I ever think I would end up arguing with this guy by the end of the day...Do we ever anticipate pain though? Nooooo...I would venture to say not. We were talking, and some very innocent things were said, things were perceived wrong, feelings were hurt. Words and feelings, and thoughts were just lost...Before I knew it, I was in tears. The thought of losing this person, after not finding him long ago just ripped me into pieces.

Now, it's just a waiting game. I have to see what comes of all of this now. I think I have shot myself in the foot, once again-DAMNIT!

I guess some of this is that I'm seriously hating being alone. I am sick and tired of it. I have my good friends, my family-together, they make one hell of a foundation and I appreciate all of them like nothing else...I just feel sometimes, it's not enough. Will I ever find what it is I'm looking for? Don't even say it, you jerks! I look, I don't find. I don't look, I still don't find. So, what's a chic to do???

Love some of you...

Weird day--Have a nice summer...

Wow...This one-liner that slipped out of Amelia's mouth as she hugged me bye before leaving for the summer...I think it's going to be my theme for the next several weeks...

Today ended up being a day of good-byes...Heidi left...Amelia and Hank are leaving early in the morning and said good-bye tonight...I said good-bye to Rachel for the summer...My neice came to some weird clarity...I mentioned Robb's name, I get a knock on the door, who do I find standing there? Robb.

I just hope, and pray that somehow this summer will be a summer of good things...I don't hardly see how it could be any better than last summer though...Ask anyone that was there, and they will more than likely say the same...Last summer was full of fun, friendships, and great feelings of love and joy...

Wow, things really do change...

To all: HAVE A NICE SUMMER!!!

On my mind...

Soooooooo...Lately, one of the things that, as you know if you have been keeping up with my blog, is I have been having some issues about alot of my friends leaving town...Is it to say I won't ever see them again? NO! Are you kidding? With two of the three getting married here, and my unwaivering committment to visit another, yeah, I'll at least see all of them at least once more...

This past Saturday, I hung out with Heidi one last BIG time before she leaves for home for good, and Rachel, before she leaves only for the summer...It was nice. It seemed a little strange, we were all three totally mellow...We are all three Chatty Cathy's...I was kind of tired and was reflecting to myself the past year that I have known Heidi and how much I love and adore her, and how much I will miss her...Some of the time, I was only remaining quiet b/c otherwise, I would have cried...I didn't want to do that! Ugh! Are you kidding?

So, I have been praying about all my friends and the transitions that are taking place and hoping God will work His will in whatever manner He sees fit, just keeping us all safe and happy, and successful...Well, Sunday, I was sitting in church when Tiffany came up, and I, again, had to not say much, because, had I tried to speak, I would have fallen to pieces...Just a few minutes later, the pastor began speaking about? Christian friendships--what they should be, and what they mean...WOW! This totally blew my mind...Not surprising...I, many times have had something on my heart and God spoke to me...What I got from this, bare with me just a moment here...It just hit me all of a sudden...I appreciate these friendships I have developed in the recent past, and they are important to me for one reason only...They are all Christians...Now, this may not sound like a big deal...It is though. See, I did grow up in a home where church was semi-important...I was in church more Sundays than not, and I did have some Christian friends...Thing is, to have these friends be Christians, was never of importance to me...Looking back, I'm glad they were...but, it was not a necessity...The friendships I have made in the last year and a half have been first friendships I have formed where it was important to me that they be Christians. It all just kind of came together after that sermon. I'm incredibly thankful to God that I have the friendships I have, both past and present, and especially those he has granted me where they have been Christians...

I was reading a blog posting my neice had written...She's coming of age now where she is starting to notice, not just be a part of, some of life's transitions...She's taking notice and realizing that there are seasons/reasons we have been placed in each other's lives...

NOW! It's time to just see what God has in store for all of us next...How exciting!

Love ALL of you...